You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
