I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
