he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
