Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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