are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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