I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
