You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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