You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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