i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
