I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
