She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Every concussion has its silver lining
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
