i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
