Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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