This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
