i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
