and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
