We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
