I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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