It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
