We named our party play list daddy issues
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I was not drunk enough for that final.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
