I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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