3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
