Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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