:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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