It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
