Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Randomize
