420 ftw
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
