so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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