It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she peed on how many people?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
