i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
