Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
