I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
