He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
