I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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