Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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