Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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