So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
