Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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