No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
