I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
