you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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