well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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