Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
