we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
