i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
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Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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