My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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