At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
