I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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