did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
