please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
