My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
