Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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