i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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